


Nothing Remains

by orangebarmy



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003)
Genre: Amputation, Depression, Fighting, Gen, Rating: PG13, SAINW, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-20
Updated: 2015-02-20
Packaged: 2018-03-13 23:16:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3399890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangebarmy/pseuds/orangebarmy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>isclaimer: I do not own TMNT sadly<br/>Summary: SAINW - how did Mikey lose his arm?<br/>Rating: Pg-13<br/>Warning: slight violence - be warned this is not a happy fic</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing Remains

"The heart dies a slow death, shedding each hope like leaves until one day there are none. No hopes. Nothing remains." ― Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha 

 

I've never wanted to die before. Not once during all of the ugly situations we have been in have I thought about giving up my hope. But even I have a limit and I've reached it.

My brother Donatello disappeared thirteen years ago. We don't know what happened to him. All of a sudden he was gone, no trace of him anywhere. We tried to keep going, we tried to still fight Shredder but Donnie took the spirit of the team with him. But I didn't give up my hope.

Things were never the same again and then the worst possible thing happened. Three long years after we lost Donnie we lost Master Splinter. He died doing what he always did, protecting us; protecting me. I don't know if I've ever fully accepted him being gone. To this day I still expect him to shout at me for not holding my nunchakus right but he can't and he never will. 

Everything fell apart after that, Leo attacked the Shredder trying to regain his honor after the death of our Master. He ended up being blinded completely. One slice of the Shredders gauntlet and Leo was never going to be the same again. Without Donnie, without Master Splinter I wasn't strong enough to keep our family together. They fought, oh how they fought. That is when Raph left us, simply walked out the door swearing he would never come back. 

I saw Raph a few time after that and each time he seemed to have lost something of himself. Not physically but I don't know, he wasn't exactly Raphael hot head anymore. When he left though there was only me to deal with a battered and broken Leonardo. I did whatever I could to help him. I sparred relentlessly with him until we were both bloodied and bruised. In a way it worked; Leo was able to fight me almost as if he still had his sight. Not that it mattered Shredder was taking over our world and eleven years after Donnie's disappearance we were forced into underground rebel groups. But it didn't matter because I had hope.

I never expected to see Raph again; he had sworn he would never return. But he did and he came back to do one thing and one thing only. Thirteen years after Donnie left us he came back to kill. I hadn't seen him in such a long time and I was shocked to see one eye hole of his mask stitched up. I wanted to ask what had happened; when it had happened but he ignored me. He had only murder on his mind and it certainly wasn't mine. He challenged Leonardo spitting insult after insult at him. I tried to get him to tell me what was wrong but he just kept brushing me off. He kept mumbling something about Master Splinter, about Casey and it being Leo's fault. It was always Leo's fault.

They started to fight and I don't mean spar I mean fight. While I thought it was only Raph who wanted to kill I was wrong. They both were lost within their blood lust and then what; I'd have lost everything I care about, everyone I care about. I couldn't handle that I had to do something, so I jumped between them.

Possibly the biggest mistake I've ever made but it is not one I can take back or one I can regret. Leo couldn't see me at all and I was out of Raph's peripheral vision when their blades came down. Oh it hurt, felt like my arm was on fire, burning tearing agony. I heard them both shout my name but all I could think about was my arm and the pulsating agony before I slipped into blissful unconsciousness.

I woke up maybe half a day ago and I wish I never had. They couldn't save my arm! April had ordered them to remove it just above my elbow. But that isn't what hurts! I can live without an arm just like the others have lived without their sight. What I can't live with is this empty hole I have inside. My brothers have left me, abandoned me. They took my arm and then they left me at April's doorstep bleeding and dying.

The brothers who loved me, cared for me, promised to all look out for me. They have all gone! I won't ever lie next to Donnie again listening to him read his latest scientific magazine; not understanding a single word but never caring, just spending time with my brother is all that ever mattered. I won't get to play games with Raph till he is so annoyed at me that he'll chase me around the lair until we are both sweating and gasping, and having forgotten the reason why. I won't ever spar with Leo getting that little smile of approval once it was over. But I cannot regret my choice; I could never have lived with myself knowing that I had allowed one of them to die.

Now like this though, crippled and tossed aside I cannot regret but I've lost the one thing that has kept me going through all of this; my hope. 

 

They should have let me die.

 

The End


End file.
